BLOG 65 – THE HEART OF AN ALPHA MALE

In blog 65 – the heart of an alpha male: What Zani has learnt about men – or rather about her man – involves food, wrestling against the odds, lipstick, and that “subtle” does not work.

Jake is under a lot of pressure at work with the new contract, as well as meeting the looming deadlines of quite a few other projects. This is wonderful for our bank balance, of course, but not great for the heart. Naturally, he is as supportive as he has always been, but I can tell that he is taking strain – as an alpha male, he is taking his role as protector and provider very seriously.

Come Saturday, he is hesitant to do the out-of-town mountain-bike race and leave me home alone, so I have to shoo him out – because if I have learned anything about men, or rather about my man, it’s been to feed him properly, admire him (a lot, and often. Subtle does not work) and give him space to hang out with his buddies. Sometimes they cycle, sometimes they fish, build something, or hunt and chase little white balls for 18 holes and sometimes they watch sport, very loudly. I don’t get it, but it seems as though he has an innately physical and competitive drive. He thrives on adventure; he’s at his best when he wrestles against the odds, when he wins a battle (even if the battle is a deadline, or his team winning the game).

Then, the prize … As much as I hate seeing myself as his ‘prize’, a man does love beauty. Not a beauty with fists on her hips, feet firmly planted in a way that reminds me of a high-school song: We shall, we shall, we shall not be moved … And a voice that pumps enough decibels to make the deaf hear and the blind see. Or even worse. If you want to see him go off or see him shrink, then criticise him – in front of others.

But where was I …? Oh yes, beauty.

A man loves beauty. Loves having beauty: the girl, the car, the mirror … beauty is a magical thing. Beauty says: All is well. Beauty is the soft side of a hard life. And, strangely, it has something to do with lipstick. Jake once told me about a book he read that told the story of a truck loaded with lipstick that, for some or other reason, ended up at a concentration camp in Germany after the Second World War. The people were desperate for food, clothes and medical supplies, and instead got lipstick. It gave me goose bumps when he told me how starved, naked people wore lipstick and how it fortified their souls. How a soldier who was fatally wounded replied to the nurse’s “Is there anything I can do for you?” with “Would you let me watch while you put on lipstick?”

My mind is really walking about today. So, with my man on his bike and hanging with his buddies, it’s time to enhance beauty and then take myself off to the Two Tarts so I can hang with my foster mom. But I no longer just hang around at Vee’s; when things get hectic I help out with the sales, which Vee appreciates because her passion is caring for people, not taking money and giving receipts. It feels good to know I’m helping her.

Before we know it, it’s Sunday. We find Sky and Seth’s house easily. It is just off the island, but still part of the green belt on the banks of the Braamfontein Spruit. From the minute we drive through the gate it is clear that today is going to be different.

Eldredge, J. 2001. Wild at heart. CA: Thomas Nelson.

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