BLOG 56 – RECAPTURING THE MYSTERY OF PREGNANCY AND THE WONDER OF BIRTH

In Blog 56 – Recapturing the mystery of pregnancy and the wonder of birth … Sitting at the Two Tarts, drinking in the peaceful atmosphere, the last thing Zani expects to be confronted with is a passionate outburst.

Lately I have been sitting at ‘my’ table at the Two Tarts most Saturday mornings just to be near Vee, even if there isn’t much opportunity to talk. The place feels like home. This time I’ve brought the guide to the third trimester, my notebook and a pen. Time to make a list of what I still need to do or find out … old habits do die hard!

• Take belly photos: Scheduled for next month
• Count your baby’s movements: ?
• Plan a baby shower: Vee’s taking care of that
• Sex: What’s that? Hahaha
• Pick a paediatrician: Ask Miriam
• Visit the birth centre: tick
• Write a birth plan: tick (for what it’s worth)
• Make a plan for when labour starts: Ask Miriam
• Do a home safety check: tick
• Stay home or go back to work?: How soon?
• Stock up on meals: Vee has that covered
• Wash baby’s clothing and bedding: tick
• Sleep on your baby’s blankets: Huh?
• Prepare for breastfeeding: Ask Miriam/Tina
• Going-home plan: Ask Miriam/Tina
• Pack the bags: tick

 I am just about to draw up three separate lists – a Miriam list, a Tina list and a Find Out list – when I hear a friendly voice.

“Hi, haven’t I seen you at the pregnancy group? Zani, isn’t it?”

It is the voice of a multi-layered, multi-coloured, earth child.

“Hey, Sky!” Speak of the devil, then you step on his tail, is what my gran used to say. But I don’t say that out loud. “Would you like to join me?”

“Yes, thanks. What are you so engrossed in? I haven’t seen anybody concentrate that much since varsity!” There is wonder written all over her face.

“I’m making a list of things to do during the third trimester – and, oh boy, is there a lot to do! I may have to negotiate to work half-day from now on to get it all done!”

“You mind sharing your list with me? I’ve been known to forget about the practical, everyday stuff.”

I don’t know how to respond, so I simply start reading the list from the top, but don’t get very far. When I get to “Count your baby’s movements” Sky throws her hands in the air.

“My word, what else are they going to come up with? Having a baby shouldn’t be an item on a tick list … Got a house: tick; car: tick; pet: tick; husband: optional; now it’s time for a baby: tick. Neither should it be a project with timelines and spreadsheets!”

She must have seen me go rigid, because she immediately leans over to touch my arm.

“I’m very sorry, Zani, I don’t mean to criticise, or to hurt your feelings at all. I am just so tired of a world that seems hell-bent on destroying the mystery of pregnancy and the wonder of birth. Every day there seems to be yet another thing you have to do, or count, or measure, while very little – if any of it – actually contributes to a different birth outcome. Any mom who’s in touch with her baby instinctively knows what to do and when to ask for help. How does she know? Because pregnancy and birth are natural consequences of the instinctive survival of homo sapiens as a species!”

Wow, I didn’t see that coming! I am so shaken by Sky’s outburst that I am unsure if I should read on, or simply get up and run. I don’t know what to do or say.

Sky looks a little deflated and … sad? I can tell that she is really sorry, not for what she has said, but that it has so obviously rattled me. With a sheepish look and “I’m really sorry, Zani – this is not the way to make a friend,” she is about to explain when she is interrupted by Vee.

“Hi there. Would you like something to drink?”

Vee has obviously spotted Sky and has come over to make her feel at home. I introduce them, and once Vee has scurried off to get Sky’s order, Sky politely asks if she could colour in the picture behind her passionate outburst. I am still a little speechless, so all I can manage is a nod.

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