BLOG 55 – SHE WEARS THE WHOLE RAINBOW

Recap for Blog 55 – She wears the whole rainbow: What on earth is the mommy brain? And how come it’s in the heart, not the head?

We are in our third trimester – the last stretch. I am amazed at the change in tempo, but not just in tempo – I am amazed at the changes in and around me. A mere 29 weeks ago I was a frantic, obsessive-compulsive list maker who took worrying to a whole new level. Everything was about me – my body, my wants, my needs, my dreams, my … Me. It was all about me. I couldn’t see how selfish I had become. But neither could I see the subtle changes that crept up on me over the last couple of months, changes that brought peace and contentment.

While I used to perform to please, I now find myself staring blankly, quite often into no-man’s-land, restful, my hands playing gently over my belly. This is weird. As though my mind has quietened down and my heart has expanded.

Pregnancy has also brought changes in friendships. I suspect that my single friends now find me a bit of a bore, because I no longer party till dawn, and avoid loud music and smoky rooms. They say I’ve given up on life. That I am an old woman. But that is okay. I enjoy being at home, pottering, doing this and that. Miriam calls it nesting: a natural, inbuilt cocooning mechanism.

I no longer fret. Natural instinct more than Google now guides my actions. During one of our antenatal classes, Tina mentioned that the urge to nest is a tell-tale sign that the mommy brain has kicked in. She said the mommy brain is in the heart, not the head, and you need to slow down and be quiet more often in order to be able to hear and connect with it.

It is a strange feeling, as though I have exhaled properly for the first time. And with breathing out has come a letting go, a general cleansing inside and out. Mmm, what does Jake always say? When he is ‘breathful’ he feels powerful; when he’s breathless (from stress and anxiety) he feels powerless. That is probably why we have been learning about breathing at the antenatal classes, because it is going to take a powerful gal to give birth to a son who is approaching an expected birth weight of 3,6 kilograms!

I really enjoy the antenatal classes. You meet such interesting people. It is great to meet others with whom you now have so much in common, but my word, there is a fruitcake, or two, as well.

“Vee, you must meet this one girl – Sky. She wears the whole rainbow all at once and lives on another planet. She is 30 weeks pregnant and has not been for a single scan! She has no midwife, or doctor and plans to have her baby at home with her mom and her mom’s circle of friends to see her through. She’s not buying a single disposable nappy either – says she is going to use cotton nappies that she plans to hand wash to save the planet!”

Vee just smiles as she briefly stops at my table to catch her breath between customers, which she insists on calling guests. She too is a bit of a fruitcake at times, a delicious, cuddly, loving one though!

“Why don’t you bring her along next time? I’d love to meet her? She sounds like spice!”

“Okay, I’ll invite her. I am actually very curious about her, but she’s so different that she freaks me out a little. With you around, it’ll be easier to talk.”

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