Recap: Vee tells Zani about her seven miscarriages – and how she made peace with her heartache. Zani marvels at the fact that the most motherly person she has ever met has never been a mother.
“Thank you, Zani. It’s very kind of you to say so. When I was going through all of that turmoil, all that angst, I read a book – I honestly don’t remember what it was called, it was so long ago – that said that a woman has four rather opposing qualities rolled into one: strength, courage, surrender and care. I adopted that as my tool kit and prayed for the courage and strength to surrender my need to be a mother. I also prayed for the courage and strength to care.”
“Why would you need courage and strength to care?”
“Zani, if you’ve ever been hurt seriously, you will know that caring makes you vulnerable and, at that moment while you’re hurting, the last thing you want to be is more vulnerable. That’s when you want to show how strong you are. That’s when you need nobody and can do everything – yourself. But that’s not the strength of a woman – that’s the strength of a man.
“And that was when the wind planted the seed of the Two Tarts in my heart. And as the seed grew inside me, I became whole again. I realised that the Two Tarts was my baby – a baby I could love and cherish and watch while it grows. I could dress it in pink or in blue or in screaming purple, orange and green!”
We throw our heads back and roar with laughter. I look over at Vee with awe, envy, admiration and hope.
“I salute you!” I say.
And then I know, in this moment, that having a baby is something I want and not necessarily need. I will let Fate and Destiny play their hands and, if need be, I’ll learn to play along.