Recap: Zani’s attempt at convincing Jake that making and raising ‘the perfect baby’ is simply a question of doing the necessary research and then applying oneself, does not have quite the desired effect …
He gives me one look and pulls me down on his lap.
“You’re serious about this, aren’t you?”
“Yes,” I sniff. “Yes, I am.”
He sighs. This isn’t easy for him, I know. “I’d also like to have a baby,” he says, “but not now. Not right now.”
“But why not now?”
“Zani, I’m not ready for it now. I’m not in the same space as you seem to be in. I expected us to wait longer – a lot longer, actually.”
And he’s right. We did agree that we wouldn’t rush into having a family, but time moves on, things change. People change.
“So can we just drop it? At least for now. Please?”
I know this isn’t the time to push any further, and overplay my hand. It has been a long day – for him and for me – so I cuddle a little longer, thinking silently that if I just knew a little more, I’d be able to convince him. I knew I would.
The next morning, everything is back to normal and we both act as though we have never had the baby conversation. I gather up my lists and go to work early to see what I can find on the last few topics on my list.
First up is ‘perfect parents’. I can’t find just one site dedicated exclusively to ‘perfect parenting’, and have to trawl through quite a few. But the information I gather is comforting and seems sound enough. I set about making a brief list of points combining information from various sites. I title my list ‘The Perfect Parent’, even though I have already read enough to let me know there is no such thing. At least, I think to myself, there would be a goal to work towards, a goal to reach, a standard to set. Right? Right.
The Perfect Parent
I close the notebook and sigh. This list – as long as it is, even unfinished – would only be valid up until Baby’s first birthday, and then there’d be a whole new set of rules and instructions and suggestions and criteria. How would l ever fit in my flexi-job with all of this?
The rest will have to wait, though. I can’t skive off work all day – because it could well take that long to sift through all the information available. Duty calls and I have to earn my keep, so I put all thoughts of babies aside and worked diligently until teatime. I have to admit, I rather enjoy the distraction the annual reports and company memoranda provide, not having every minute of every hour of every day crammed with thoughts of pregnancies and babies and parenting. And Jake.